Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Ungiven Answer

I was thinking about getting some more Audible books, but I only had around $50 to spend.. I know credits are much cheaper, so I wanted to know the answer to the question


"I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?"

FYI The (ungiven) answer is "Four if you sign up for the silver plan".







Also I was getting bored towards the end (It took nearly 50 mins) so I let my bird "Slyvestor" out (I had borrowed him from Rich Kyanka (Somethingawful,com) years ago.
Rich Kyanka uses him better.

I had also typed the question in twice before getting sent to the online chat.

I fixed a couple of typos that are not really important..

And importantly... Audible support many of my favorite podcasts, and their service is pretty good, I would recommend them... but Maybe Lynn could address my question a little more directly...


Audible Live Chat

You are now connected to Lynn from Audible.com.
Me:I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:Hello Roland, thank you for contacting Audible. My name is Lynn and I'll be happy to help you with your concern today.
Me:Yay! Thats incredibly great news :)
Lynn:I understand that you would like to purchased a credit on your account. No worries, I can definitely help you.
Me:Wooohoo!
FYI Im not being sarcastic, just encouraging.
4:13pm
Lynn:I've checked your account and I can see here that you are not subscribes to our Membership Plan and if you purchase a credit, there is no membership that will holds to your credit.
Me:Ah right
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:If you want, I would like to offer you a the he Gold Annual Membership is priced at $149.50 a year. With this plan you can get 12 audio credits a year, all at once, and you can rollover up to 18 credits at a time. If needed, you can renew before the year is up.
Me:Ok Great. But...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:The credit is depend to the membership you have registered on your account, however, you are not yet registered to any subscription on your account. Would you like me to enroll you now to our Gold Monthly or Platinum Monthly Plan?
Me:Sorry Im obviously not making myself clear
4:19pm
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?\
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:I'm sorry that we don't have estimated credits for $50 until you subscribe to one of our plan. The Platinum Monthly membership is priced at $22.95 a month. This plan gives you 2 audio credits per month, and you can rollover up to 12 credits at a time. However, the Gold Monthly membership is priced at $14.95 a month. This plan gives you 1 audio credit per month and you can rollover up to 6 credits at a time.
Me:so short answer woulod be "zero"?
Lynn:I'm sorry for misunderstand, Roland. If I purchased a credits on your account, it will remove by our system because you don't have membership that will keep your credits available on your account.
If you would like to purchase a credits, we need to enroll your account first to one of our membership plan.
Me:OK Great
4:24pm
Lynn:May I ask, would you like me to enroll you now to one of our Membership plan? Which do you prefer?
Me:Im not sure...
You see... here is my requirement...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Roland. I'm unable to process to purchase the credits on your account and we don't have option to process this, because you don't have membership plan on your account. Credits it's like a membership benefits.
Can you please provide the last 4 digits and the expiration date of your card, please?
Me:OK I understand
Before we get into any purchasing... I did have one question....
Lets say I wanted to spend around ... $50, how many credits could I get for that?
Lynn:That is the reason why I'm unable to give you the exact amount of credits, Roland. Because, to purchased 3 extra credits, it's depends to the Membership you have on your account.
Me:4:30pm
OK..
Well lets run the numbers... with the ideal sweetspot being...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:Actually we only have the option to purchase 3 credits only.
Me:OK great.. are there any specials?
Lynn:What we can do is to enroll you to the gold monthly for 14.95 and purchase a extra credits for you so that you will have 4 credits.
Me:OK I see. thanks.
Is there a list available of the different plans?
Lynn:We also have 22.95 for 2 credits Roland.
Me:So If I spend $22.95 now, I would get 2 credits?
Lynn:Yes that's correct.
Me:so lets say...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
4:36pm
Lynn:There is no membership with $50 amount. If you want I can enroll you two times for the 2 credits and you will have 4 credits.'

[JUST FYI I was getting sick of this after 25 minutes, so was going to disconnect, get angry or just start getting comical/weird]

Me:Enroll me twice?
Lynn:Yes Roland.
Me:But wont there need to be two of me?
But how would I know which one is really Me?:
Lynn:Its only you Roland.
Me:Yes, but how would I know?
Lynn:As long as you see your credits you will know it is you.
Me:Ahhh... money talks eh Lynn?
So what is the cheapest plan I could get on in terms of upfront fee?
you see...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits can I get for that?
Lynn:Silver plan:
•$14.00 every two months.
•Get 1 audio credits every other month.
Gold Monthly:
•$14.95 a month.
•Get 1 audio credit each month.
Platinum Monthly:
•$22.95 a month.
•Get 2 audio credits each month.
Gold Annual:
•$149.50 a year Get 12 months for the price of 10!.
•Get 12 audio credits each year, all at once.
Platinum Annual:
•$229.50 a year Get 12 months for the price of 10!.
•Get 24 audio credits each year, all at once.
Me:4:42pm
Now we are talkin
what is the $149.50 plan called?
Lynn:Gold Annual:
Gold Annual:
Me:If I got the Silver plan, what are the obligations with that?
Lynn:The Silver Plan membership is priced at $14.98 every other month. This plan gives you 1 audio credit each month you are billed.
Me:and what happens if the payment does not proceed (god forbid)
Lynn:Contact your bank about it Roland.
Me:I dont understand, the bank is not involved
Lynn:If the payment did not go through since your "Bank" is the one who will release the payment you have to contact them to allow us to charge you Roland.
Me:Nope. Thats not how it works... Although I know why you would think that is, but its another story.. and Im running out of time here..
Lynn:I understand.
Me:OK, maybe Ill describe my problem this way.... How long is the "$14.98 every other month" an obligation for?

[I was totally going to do it again here, but really wanted to find the answer than just keep banging my head]

4:47pm

Lynn:As long as you are still enrolled to that plan you will be charge on your billing date.
4:48pm
Me:so I could unenroll after 1 (2) months?
Lynn:Yes it is your choice you can either cancel or continue any time you want.
Me:I see.. there is no time requirement then
Lynn:Yes.
Me:and I can buy 2 credits for $22.95 anytime?

[And around this time I yelled aaaaargh at the ceiling, then though of Rich Kyanka's budgie]

Lynn:Yes anytime anywhere anyplace.
Are we still connected?
I don't mean to rush you, but the chat has been idle for 1 minute, and I'm wondering if you're still connected.
Me:Yes.. sorry my budgie escaped from his cage.. changed his birdseed, and now the guy is a bit of a bar bender
he started attacking my head and he tried to poo on me (he does that)
Lynn:Is there anything else that I can help?
Me:eww he hit the 'c' key (the one that comec after 'r')
Yec
If I wac to cpend $50, how many creditc would that get me?
Lynn:Silver plan:
•$14.00 every two months.
•Get 1 audio credits every other month.
Gold Monthly:
•$14.95 a month.
•Get 1 audio credit each month.
Platinum Monthly:
•$22.95 a month.
•Get 2 audio credits each month.
Me:OK thankc
Lynn:Gold Annual:
•$149.50 a year Get 12 months for the price of 10!.
•Get 12 audio credits each year, all at once.
Platinum Annual:
•$229.50 a year Get 12 months for the price of 10!.
•Get 24 audio credits each year, all at once.
Me:aahhh
Lynn:That's all the plan we have.
If you don't have further questions I need to disconnect this chat.
Me:Co If I Cigned up for the Cilver plan.. I would get 1 to ctart
Lynn:Yes Roland.
Me:and I could cpend and other $35.. how many creditc?
Lynn:yes
.3
Me:Oh Great thankc.. I muct cplit.. cylvector ic attacking me agin..
Lynn:Thanks for contacting audible. Have a good day!
Lynn has left the conversation.

Soooo. FYI... 
It took around 50 minutes...It ended around 4:55 (I only put the 4:13pm at the beginning, as it had taken a bit of time to get that far.  
I had asked the question directly ten times, assuming the six times I asked in a row only counts as one.

The short answer was: 
                     "4 if you sign up for the Silver plan"


So I tried again, just as a nameless pleb (or brand new customer for someone in, i dunno SALES).

And now that I know the answer, I wasnt going to be put off by the "that depends" which are actually lies..


Me:John Smith
Tiffany:Hi, my name is Tiffany. How can I assist you today?
Me:2:23am
Hi Tiffany I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Tiffany:I am happy to assist. May I have the name, email address and billing address please to verify the account for security purposes?
Me:No
I have a simple question for you though, if you would like to help..
Tiffany:I do understand, but I would have to take a look on your account, to view your membership details.
Me:let say I have no membership, and Im starting from scratch
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Tiffany:If you are just activating a membership, the cost of the plan would be $14.95 and you would receive 1 credit or we have the platinum monthly plan for $22.95 and would receive 2 credits. However, we do have the extra credits option with a membership and it would differs based on the membership activated on the account.
Me:lets say...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
2:28am
Hello?
Tiffany:I am still connected.
Me:Great!!
I have a simple question, Im hoping you can help me with
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Tiffany:If you are just activating a membership, the cost of the plan would be $14.95 and you would receive 1 credit or we have the platinum monthly plan for $22.95 and would receive 2 credits. However, we do have the extra credits option with a membership and it would differs based on the membership activated on the account.
Me:Tiffany
In polite society, we answer the question posed, not one we aribtrarily want to answer.
do you understand?
so for example... if I asked...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
you would answer that, not some thing else.
2:33am
Tiffany:The credits comes along with the membership activated on the account, so there isn't a set amount you can get with the $50.
Me:Wow. Maybe Im not making myself clear...
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Tiffany:I am sorry you feel that way, as I have answered your question.
The credits comes along with the membership activated on the account, so there isn't a set amount you can get with the $50.
Me:No you havent, you have avoided the question, which was
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
lets say I was prepared to start a membership and
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Tiffany:If you are starting the membership, you would pay $14.95 for 1 credit.
Me:OK..
butI want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
2:39am
Hello?
Tiffany:I am here.
Is there anything I can assist you with today?
Me:Great.. so I spent $14.95 on memebership leaving $35, what is the most number of credits I could get?
Can I buy credits separately?
Tiffany:It would be 3 credits with the extra credits purchase but again the cost differs for the extra credits based on the membership you are on.
Me:OK, what would be the sweetspot if say..
I want to spend around $50, how many credits will I get for that?
Hello?
Tiffany:I am still here.
Me:so I can get any membership for $14.95?
so if I go for a superp latinum one which gives me 4 credits..
I could by 8 extra ones for $35 correct?
2:45am
Tiffany:No there isn't an extra credit for $35.88
Me:Really?
In polite society, we answer the question posed, not one we aribtrarily want to answer
I want to spend around $50, how many credits COULD I get with the remaining $35.88?
Tiffany:It all depends on the membership activated on the account, as credits are issued and charged based on membership plan
Me:OK. Great
Lets say I spent $14.95 on membership, and had $35.05 left over, how many credits would I get for that?
Tiffany:Again, it would depend on the plan activated on your account.
I'm very sorry but as mentioned we can't offer any additional insight or action on this matter, I will be disconnecting the chat now. Thank you for contacting Amazon. Have a nice day.


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